


Halcyon's Hope Is With This Man?

by BoneDaddyAinz



Category: The Outer Worlds (Video Game)
Genre: Comedy, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-01-20 18:55:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21286556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoneDaddyAinz/pseuds/BoneDaddyAinz
Summary: Travelling the Halcyon system is hard and often dangerous, there's marauders, raptidons, corporations, and diet toothpaste! Can you believe it? Through it all The Captain is just trying to make his way through this mess, but at the core he's still human after all, and humans are often so unpredictable.A series planned to consist of loosely connected one-shots looking at what goes on during the downtime aboard the Unreliable and the often less than glamourous side of being a glorified errand boy sometimes.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 71





	1. We All Make Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> For now just some dabbles and character interactions focusing around The Captain. Sometimes with the crew, sometimes with new characters, and sometimes the inner ramblings of a man who not too long ago was frozen for forty years.

The Captain groaned as a ray of unfiltered light burning his eyes, he normally didn’t drink all that much, but for…some reason he went all out last night. That’s something he’d deal with later though, for now, this fucking brightness.

“ADA” His voice came out hoarse and dry, that was never a good sign.

“Yes Captain?”

“Where’s the…Uhhh,” The pounding in his skull kept him from thinking straight, or at all, “Didn’t Parvati install some…the light stopper things, ya’ know for the window?”

“You mean blinds Captain?” His fingers snapped in affirmation, “Sorry those are out of order.”

“Out of order? How the hell does that happen?”

“I’m unsure Captain.”

“But you’re the goddamn- ah forget it.” He slowly stood up, he didn’t have the energy for this, this could be dealt with later when it didn’t feel like the world was upside down. He stumbled his way to the door, the typically soft whoosh of the door now a harsh screeching. This might be the worst hangover he’s ever had…seco- no third worst. He didn’t tend to be a heavy drinker, he was pretty light when drinking socially but on the few times he went all in, well; he went ALL in. Getting up the stairs was an adventure to say the least, at least twice he thought he’d be tumbling down the stairs. Pure perseverance of will got him up the stairs, well that and a huff our two from his inhaler but that’s not something the crew needs to know, speaking of which.

“ADA, where’s the crew?”

“Why don’t you ask your other favorite Autonomous Digital Astrogator. You talked to SAM for an hour and thirty minutes about it.” Wait…was she…mad at him? Its amazing that she thinks her sentience is a well-kept secret.

“ADA, I don’t know any other digital astrogator.” Silence answered him before he continued, “If you’re mad ADA then forgive me, but I am barely on my feet right now. Can we talk about this later?”

“…”

“…”

“Vicar Max and SAM are out dealing with the consequences of your…inebriated antics. Nyoka and is drunk and asleep, Felix is out watching the tossball match. Parvati is in the kitchen, and Ellie is making an anti-toxin to cure your hangover.”

“Oh, fucking bless that doctor, wait…anti-toxin? ADA what was that about an anti-toxin? ADA?”

Mumbling to himself about where the ship got its name Unreliable from, he continued his way to the kitchen for a cup of the blackest, darkest, most disgustingly beautiful cup of coffee he could make. Although, the anti-toxin would explain why this didn’t feel like a regular hangover and more like a hangover abandoned ugly stepsister which would be a feat in and of itself, imagine being the ugly stepsister of the hangover. Stumbling into the kitchen, he bee-lined towards the coffee machine and saw Parvati sitting at the table munching on some corporate slop.

“Oh, hey Captain!” Parvati’s usual cheer and innocence always astonished him, and why she’d respected and followed him was as much a mystery to him as anything else.

“Morning Parvati, say, you wouldn’t happen to know what happened last night would you?”

“Oh last night? Well...umm… lots happened last night and ya see-“

“Take a breath Parvati, I’m prepared to hear my shame. If anything, I’m more embarrassed about what everyone on the crew saw.”

“Okay…okay. Well ya see Captain, there’s was a girl in town yesterday that ya seemed kinda sweet on her and I thought it was cute and you helped me and so I thought I’d encourage you and well…” Oh christ he forgot about her, Parvati continued her story as all the pieces started to fall into place. “She dropped ya pretty hard, which I mean don’t seem fair cause your so nice and all Captain, and well you went to the nearest bar with Felix started drinking.”

“All this for one girl…”

“Not exactly, the way Felix tells it is that you went and he quotes ‘Double or nothin’ for the bartender’, and well…it just got worse from there when you kept taking on bigger and bigger dares to try and impress her. Felix said you took a shot of mantisaur…somethin’ but I don’t know if I believe that.”

The Captain simply stood there in something between a mixture of awe of his resilience and absolute shame of his desperation. Well the manisaur claim certainly explains the anti-toxin as well as many other things. It seems like he won’t be back to that bar for a while…or perhaps ever depending on the situation according to the Vicar. It was at this point he realized his coffee had already finished; he downed the coffee in one swig but honestly the story had already woken him up more than the coffee would ever do.

“Wow Captain, that’s somethin’ my daddy could do too! Take a big ole swig of somethin’ bitter in one gulp!” He cast a side-long glance to Parvati, she was too pure for this galaxy.

“Parvati, please don’t do anything I ever do, and not just with the coffee but really…anything.”

“Oh well I sorta already follow that Captain. See your real nice and kind, but with stuff last night… I kinda try to do the opposite of what you do. I’m sorry Captain, I don’t think that was appropriate.” That might be the meanest thing Parvati will ever say in her life.

“Good job, I’m proud of you for that.” He chuckled and her beaming smile was enough for him to continue struggling. “Well I’ll see you later Parvati, apparently Ellie’s got some anti-toxin for the mantisaur poison I drank. I should probably try to flush that out as soon as possible.”

“Wait Felix was serious?!”


	2. Things Don't Work Like You're Used Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you want to do the most ridiculous things to get out of dealing with the best solution.

“AAAhhhhhh fuck fuck fuck fuck, law fucking end me that hurts.” Most days for most people in the Halcyon system ranged from lifeless but bearable husk of a human being, to being mauled by raptidons and then being thrown into an acid bath on Monarch. So not exactly living the high life, but today for The Captain would probably rank as one of his personal worst days. He’d gotten a message on his terminal about some work in Edgewater, clearing out a nest or something like that. He figured he’d give his crew a rest for the day to do whatever they wanted, and he’d scout out the nest on his own. For the most part it went fine…but a series of…stupid decisions led him here, limping with what he assumed was a fractured tibia and some severe gashes, to the doctor in Edgewater. Ellie was always more than willing to patch up whatever injuries he got, but this time… he’d rather pay the credits and go to town rather than have to explain to her. Pushing open the door to the clinic, he saw a man who looked to be in his fifties adorned in typical medical attire.

“Ah hello. What can I do for you today?” The doctor greeted. The Captain wasn’t sure if this was a formality or if the doctor could not physically see the fucking gash on his leg that made it look like a possible murder scene walked into this building.

With the heaviest scarastic drawl he could muster, the Captain explained his situation, “Well ain’t that just the thing. See Doc, I was just walking about minding my own business, when all of a sudden, my leg fractured, and I started bleeding like a stuck bottle of artificial catch-up.” With an extravagant flourish of arm movements, he gestured towards his leg like a classical butler welcomes a guest. The doctor’s surprise at the injury seemingly supporting The Captain’s growing theory that the doctor might in fact, be blind.

“Oh dear! Please take a seat and we’ll get this fixed up.”

The Captain gingerly took a seat as the doctor dashed around the room getting a myriad of supplies, it was like watching a whirlwind wreak havoc on this poor room. The doctor finally settled down next to him and handed him a bottle of some alcohol, at The Captain’s curious look the doctor elaborated.

“For the pain, I understand that this will be rough.” His oddly solemn words clicked when he then procced to pull out a cheap looking bone saw.

“HOLD ON! What the hell is this? My leg’s fractured, not infected. You’re a fucking madman!”

“I’m amputating? It’s the first thing I learned in Spacer’s Choice medical program. Well one of the only things.”

“I don’t need amputating; I need the bones set! Have you ever actually helped anybody?”

“Spacer’s Choice determined that I have a 52% success ratio for any operation I preform.”

“Fif-fif-FIFTY TWO PERCENT?”

“That is correct, Spacer’s Choice determined that its far cheaper to get a doctor with over a 50% success ratio and then pay for damages later than it was to put doctors entirely through medical school. My studies were mostly for amputations.”

The Captain was incredulous, at this point it might be better to do it himself and just pay for the supplies…or cover up his mistake by claiming marauders attacked him.

“Say Doc, how much would it cost for you to shoot me in the leg?”

“Excuse me?”

“Nah, that was…a lapse in common sense, just ignore that. Say, can I fix myself but pay for any supplies I use?”

“Sorry, can’t let you do that unless you got a license, company policy. But I gotta ask, what happened to your leg in the first place?”

The Captain sighed and hung his head in shame, “Well…I guess today can’t get any worse. I was scouting out some creature nest a bit of a ways out north, and uhh… well I took a wrong turn somewhere I ended up on a ridge above where I was supposed to go. I didn’t feel like backtracking my steps, so I figured I try to uh…well…sorta…slide? I figured if I stayed close to the rocks on the way down, I’d be fine, but I maybe have slipped or something and kinda landed on my leg straight on and then tumbled a ways down.” He rubbed the back of his head and focused on all the interesting spacer choice artwork around the office, but law damned that moon is still horrifying.

“Let me get this straight son, you call me the crazy one, but you tried to scale down the side of a ridge? But not just scale down, you have no equipment of the sort, and just figured you’d go on and slide down?”

“Look I know I’ve seen it done somewhere, but that’s not important. So, you really can’t do anything for me?”

“I can-“

“Useful to my situation, no amputation.”

“Then no.”

The Captain sighed, that’s been happening a lot lately. He was straining himself to get up when he heard a familiar voice and froze, he should’ve gone with the gunshot in the leg. At that worst possible moment, Ellie had decided to come and refill the ship medical reserves. The door opened; it didn’t even take him looking at her to know what was going to happen.

“So, Captain, seemed like your solo adventure didn’t turn out so well.”

“Seems so.”

He could feel the smirk growing as her abuse continued, “And you know I would’ve fixed you up for free.”

“Yep.”

“Still you came here. To the own clinic?”

“Mhmm.”

“There wouldn’t happen to be any sort of heroic or interesting story associated with that wound there now would there?”

“Ahh well you know I don’t like to brag doc, besides it just a light scratch. Looks worse than it is.” He said this while swinging his legs out of the chair and standing up straight as possible, ignoring the sound that shouldn’t exist and the feeling in his leg that could only be described as pure crying. Through gritted teeth, “See Ellie, feeling ab----solutely fine.”

“Uh huh…” She turned to the ‘doctor’ of the clinic, “I’m here to pick up the shipment I placed, could you also through in some extra supplies?” The doctor nodded and went to the backroom to gather the supplies. “Captain, please see me in the kitchen later for your leg.”

With a weary sigh, he relented, but he wouldn’t go down so lightly, he knew how she was about formalities, “Yes Doctor Fenhill.” The slight grimace would come back to bite his ass later, but it was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is inspired by when I tried to slide down some rocks in Monarch to save time, like I've used in Fallout or other FPS. Turns out that fall damage is a real bitch and doesn't work like I thought.


	3. The Errand Boy and Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being a Captain is a lot more than just running and gunning, the paperwork and tedious tasks are the majority of the work done, Even so, the Captain deserves at least one reward to himself, but not every gift brings happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a more somber chapter, I didn't plan on it turning out like this but that's how the writing came out.

“All right crew, I’ve got business to take care of on the Groundbreaker until tomorrow. If you have work for the Unreliable that needs to be done, do it and then the rest of the time here is yours.” The crew of the Unreliable dispersed to do their own work, but before Felix could get far the Captain called out, “Not so Felix, I know your free, help me carry some supplies onto the ship.”

Felix let out a long groan of faux agony, “Come on boss, todays a legendary tossball game and you know I can’t miss this. Besides I part of the reason I tried to join was to stop carrying boxes of worthless junk.” Despite Felix’s grumblings he followed the Captain anyway, outside the ship were a few decent sized crates and started the process of brining in the new supplies.

“Worthless junk? Felix what do you think is in these crates I order?”

“Hell if I know, by the weight I’d say rocks and scrap metal.”

The Captain showed a smirk, “Where do you think all the food and supplies come from? It doesn’t just magically appear.” As they unloaded the final crates, the Captain flicked a credit chip to Felix, “Here, tonight’s on me, just remember what I told you.“

“Yeah yeah, if a fight breaks out-“

“When.”

“When a fight breaks out, jab the throat to end it quickly.” Felix waved a hand as he turned and left the Unreliable, leaving a proud Captain wiping a single imaginary tear away.

“They grow up so fast.”

The Captain’s business on Groundbreaker was well and truly dull, but for him it was oddly cathartic to be dealing with rather mundane tasks and wrapping up jobs. Or maybe the monotony of it all has finally broken him, and now he suffers from Stockholm syndrome of repetitious tasks. Honestly though, it’s a good thing that he doesn’t mind this work, because god damn being a Captain is nothing like it is in the serials. For every bandit camp cleared, monster defeated, or spectacular shootout, there was five times as much paperwork, spread sheets, and walking and talking. Every time he retired to his quarters and Felix thought that he was planning some in-depth pirate job, or hacking some corporate network, it was mostly just him balancing the budget and dealing with inventory. It gets unbelievable difficult to be an independent ship and stock the ship with enough supplies for six people, honestly SAM was the smallest headache because he just kinda…does whatever the fuck SAM does.

It was nearing the end of the day when the Captain finished his work, basking in his small bit of freedom he sat against a railing and lit up a cigarette. The new “trend” was a zero-calorie cigarette, its baffling what corporations can come up with, at this point its honestly admirable the bullshit they can invent. Chuckling to himself, he started zoning out and thinking about nothing in particular, until something caught his eye. He was staring at an antique shop, but more importantly the violin was that hanging in the back, it’d been forever since he’d seen one. By law he hadn’t played since…no that’s…that no important right now. Mixed feeling welled up within him, but he couldn’t take his eyes from it, it wasn’t particularly beautiful, it was rather ordinary by all means, but it still had some…unshakable attraction. Without another thought he walked up to the store front and bought it, hell it even came with a case.

It was only after he bought it that he started to question whether he could play it well, or whether he could play it all. His walk back to the Unreliable was uneventful until he happened to bump into Vicar Max having a rather heated debate with some poor sap on the streets. The Captain walked by the Vicar and patted his shoulders, their eyes met and the Vicar let out a deep sigh, relenting from most likely bludgeoning the man, he followed the Captain.

“So uhh Vicar, enjoying your time off?”

The Vicar let out a huff, “That fool dared to question my purpose in the Plan. Absolutely preposterous, he’s just talking about things he doesn’t understand. But enough of that, it seems you finally decided to reward yourself with something? Well earned if I might add.”

“Ah yes, a saw a violin in an antique shop, I used to play but dropped it. I figured now is as good a time as any to pick it back up.”

“Violin? Forgive me Captain for I mean no disrespect, but I just never pictured you playing the violin.”

The Captain laughed, “I understand, but we all have our hobbies. Nyoka’s is drinking, yours is beating people, and mine is the violin. Hah, it’s a rather diverse crew aboard the Unreliable isn’t it?”

“That it is Captain, that it is.”

When they returned to the Unreliable, the Captain retired to his room almost immediately. While he wasn’t planning a heist on Byzantium’s larges bank like he’d told Felix, he wasn’t hunched over the desk doing work, he was sitting in the middle of his room, the violin laid out across his forearm. In the shop today it looked like nothing special, but here in his room with the light of the stars shining upon it, the violin had an ethereal quality that gave it an exquisite shine. That night the Unreliable was rather quiet, except for the muffled sounds of a tragic melody, and the almost imperceptible sound of a single tear hitting the floor of the Captain’s quarters.


	4. Imagine What Your Companions WOuld Think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Throughout his trips in the Halcyon system, the Captain never shied away from doing what had to be done, some interpret that as doing some dark deeds, but in reality it was scavenging anything and everything possible and not shying away from any job, cause as the old saying goes, 20 bucks is 20 bucks.

In all the aetherwave serials about a swashbuckling pirate or dashing hero, the one thing they always leave out is the absolute boredom of space travel. Of course, it wouldn’t make for a good story to watch the hero spend three days traveling in space doing fuck-all, but it doesn’t change the reality. Especially on a smaller ship like The Unreliable, the longer trips can feel like you’re on the verge of insanity, but with a crew it can help…to a point. On one hand, you’ve got other people to talk to and actually interact with, but on the other hand, tensions between people on such a small ship can really start to heat up the longer it goes on. With the Captain passed out in the Captain’s Quarters, the crew of the Unreliable passes the time sitting in the kitchen passing stories, though it’s not long before the stories take a turn towards their rather eccentric and quirky captain. 

The Vicar started out, “Now I have the utmost respect for our captain, but I’ve noticed that he has one rather peculiar quirk that I believe he only does in the presence of male company.”

Nyoka let out a laugh of mock disgust, “Law no Max, I don’t want to hear what the Captain does out of my sight.”

“Oh please Miss Ramnarim-Wentworth, nothing so vulgar, well at least too vulgar.” The Vicar leaned forward, as if he was afraid of the Captain hearing. His change in posture brought everyone on edge, hanging on his every word. “When he used to wear the bulkier armor, he’d complain to me about how restrictive the movement was, I never thought anything much of it another than it was quite obvious, but then one day he simply removed his armor in the middle of Monarch.” A collective gasp of shocked and horrified voices filled the room.

“I questioned him as to what he was doing, and he responded with such a matter of fact tone I simply couldn’t argue, he said, ‘Picking a lock?’ As if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And from then on, occasionally he’d find a lock that was too hard and he’d simply…remove his clothes, pick the lock, and then redress.”

Out of the myriad of expressions and emotions, Ellie was the first to speak up, “You’ve gotta be shitting me, right? I mean yeah, the Captains a bit weird, always talking about supporting each other and having each other’s backs, but that is just, too ridiculous even by his standards.”

“No, I’ve seen it too, boss says that its easier for him to be more precise. The boss really is the epitome of a brave and reckless pirate.”

“Well actually I’ve got somethin’ too,” Parvati spoke up, “I don’t wanna talk bad about the Captain or nothin, but I think it’s more absurd than mean. See when we were in Byzantium getting’ me a dress, he had a conversation with the store owner, and she convinced him to do some modeling for her.”

Nyoka almost choked on her booze, “Wait are you for real?”

Parvati nodded, “Yeah I picked up the magazine last time were in Byzantium, haven’t got a chance to look at it though.”

“Please get it, this I have to see!”

Parvarti left the kitchen and soon returned with a copy of the magazine from Byzantium with the Captain’s modeling. Nyoka started flipping through the pages, although her initial excitement slowly started to fade. “Ah man, these are mostly just for outfits, most of them you can’t even see the Captain’s face. Now what I am supposed to tease- holy shit.” Ellie got up and walked behind Nyoka to see what had here so surprised.

“What’s…holy shit. These last few pictures went way beyond modeling, there’s barely any clothes to model. God damn though, the Captain has got one hell of a body.” Nyoka whistled in appreciation and agreement. Soon everyone was gathered around with mixed reactions. 

“Man, pirating really hit a new low with this,” remarked Felix. Parvati seemed rather embarrassed that the man she looked up to was in such a magazine, but also that she’d brought this in front of everyone, she thought it was just some innocent pictures! Everyone was so preoccupied with the magazine that they didn’t hear the footsteps coming up the stairs behind them. 

“What’s got everyone so excited? I don’t think I’ve ever seen all of you so animated together.” At his voice, Parvati jumped and quickly left the room.

Ellie gave a smirk, “Well ya see Captain, who knew you had such an eye…and a body…for art.” He tilted his head a bit, his brain wracking itself for possibilities, Ellie then held up the magazine.

His face gave no reaction, he shrugged, “20 credits is 20 credits.”


	5. It May Come As A Surprise, But I Wasn't Orignally A Dashing Rouge and Charismatic Pirate Captain

“-nd so you see, without those specific pair of pants, I just can’t go back to work. I promise you’ll be well rewarded.” The Captain sighed and buried his head in his hands, this was the seventh menial fucking task in a row he’d taken on. I mean yes, this was partially his fault, he’d do almost any task if the price was right, flower picking, murder, beast clearing, illegal assassination, he’d do just about all of it but it still didn’t change the fact that doing the most pointless tasks wore down on any person.

“So, what you’re telling me…is that you lost your favorite pair of pants…and now you can’t work.”

“That’s right sir, and I’ll pay real good too!”

“Can’t anyone fix their own problems in this solar system? How hard can it be to find pants?” As the Captain started to walk away the man called after him.

“Oh, and when you’re done with that, my wife is having some problems with her sink! So if you could unclog it!”

The Captain ignored it continued to walk away, mumbling under his breath, “Must be something in the water.” Here he was, revived from the cold grasp of eternal imprisonment for the purpose of saving the Halcyon system from itself, but how often do things go according to plan? Quite often actually, you’d be surprised, even this plan so far was doing well, though the Captain struggled to understand how putting 500 more people in the solar system would actually change anything. Regardless, they hadn’t hit any problems really, even right now it was all going according to plan in that Phineas apparently had something to do and he’d been stuck doing…fuck all for the last few weeks.

Ellie’s voice next to him broke him out of his stupor, “You know Captain, when I joined your crew this isn’t what I had in mind for going across the solar system.”

“Well who knows, at this rate we may end up being glorified plumbers, even got an offer to fix a sink!” He sarcastically replied, “At this rate I may be able to put my engineering degree to some use.” They continued walking through Byzantium, he’d brought Ellie as his personal ambassador to everything Byzantium, though she seemed less than thrilled at the idea.

“Hold on, you have an engineering degree? I keep forgetting that you’re from Earth, but still, after killing marauders, mantisaurs, fetching pants, its hard to believe that you have a degree for using your brain.”

With a feign of mock hurt, he through his hands over his face, “Oh how you wound me! If anything you should be thankful for my intelligence and charisma, being a Captain is work up the ass and yet I always keep thing running smoothly,” Ellie glanced at him, “Mostly..?” She shook her head, “Occasionally I keep things running smoothly.”

She grinned, and it was a rather stunning smile, he almost tripped over himself.

“I will say though Captain, this is definitely been one of the better crews I been with. For all your…quirks, you do run a smooth ship and so far, my cut hasn’t been stolen followed by me being pushed into an escape pod and shot off into the forests of Terra-2.”

“Another oddly specific situation, but I’ll take the compliment. Does this mean you’ve finally started to succumb to my charms as a Captain and finally grasped the importance of working together?”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself Captain, I’d still put a bullet in you if it came to it.”

“Well you wouldn’t be the first, but it tends to hurt so I hope you wouldn’t.” They continued their walking, no destination in mind, just passing the time and enjoying conversation. It’d been a decent while since the Captain had found an enjoyable reprieve.

“But then we tend to put twice as many bullets into what shot you, so it evens out. You know, on Monarch I told you that food poisoning was the number one cause of death in Halcyon. Thinking on it, I think you might have taken that spot.”

“Mom always said I’d be number one in something.” To his utter shock she laughed, more like a chuckle but still, it was something and he felt nothing but pleasure at that sound. “How bout we hit up a bar, drinks are on me.”

“Well if they’re on you then I’d be a fool to say no, but what about the pants? You don’t feel like being a maid?” She gave a grin, “It’d be good to add to your resume to diversify it, they say variety is the spice of life.”

“Alright fuck that saying, you know why? Variety is a mediocre spice at best, you know what’s really the spice of life? Garlic. You probably don’t have it here in Halcyon, but there’s nothing in life that can’t be improved with garlic.”

“I don’t think it’s meant to be taken so literally, but I’ll take your word for it.” The Captain’s rambling about garlic supremacy lasted well into the night. It wouldn’t stop until a bar brawl broke out after another very drunk patron insisted on the mastery of synth-cilantro and the Captain responded with, “Take that discount soap leaf and shove it up your ass.” The crew of the Unreliable from then on was forever banned from entering that bar.


	6. The Sins of the Parent are the Sins of the Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain has business of his own that needs to be taken care of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a little disappointed at the lack of story that you could give the Captain throughout the game, this is mostly just some ramblings that I decided to write down about a bit of the Captain's story

A knock on his doorframe caused the Vicar looked up from his writings, the Captain stood there leaning to his side.

“Max, I need you to watch my back, lets go.” The Vicar nodded and begun to equip his gear, all the while thinking how unusual it was for the Captain to be so curt. Heading out of his room, he saw the Captain by the airlock armed with only an auto-mag pistol and a strange looking hunting rifle.

“Who else is coming with us?” Max questioned.

The Captain shook his head, “No one else, just us. We’re going to be doing something a bit under the constraints of the law.” The Captain walked out into one of the dozen Byzantium landing pads and the Vicar followed.

“That shouldn’t matter for most of the crew, if anything Ellie or Felix would be better suited to help.”

The Captain turned to look at him, “This is a bit…different. While I’m sure anyone on the crew would trust my actions and some wouldn’t even care, this is a delicate matter and I believe you’re the only one who will understand.”

The duo took the elevator up to a smaller shopping market, where the Captain deftly weaved through the throng of people. The Captain spoke once more, “I’m going to assassinate someone Max, I know you’ve drifted from The Plan, but even so you must understand that there are somethings that must be done.” The Vicar frowned but nodded, but stayed silent, “The man I’m going to assassinate has no affiliation with The Board, he isn’t conspiring against us or Phineas, his life and death will have absolutely no impact on the world.” They turned into a tight alley way, at the end was a later that lead up to the rooftops of the market, the Captain began to climb.

Vicar Max spoke up, “Under normal circumstances I would say that this man is innocent, but obviously there’s something to warrant his death, I understand.”

The Captain nodded, though it wasn’t visible as the Vicar was underneath him on the ladder. “I could’ve brought Ellie, but…I need someone to hear my thoughts, to understand why I’m doing this. I haven’t told you anything of my past Vicar and I apologize but I probably never will except for today, it is something that I’ve come to terms with but would rather ignore once today has passed.” They reached the top, the Captain climbed over and pulled the Vicar up with him. It was a stunning view, Byzantium was pretentious as all could be, but the beauty of the Halcyon star rising at dawn, its light glimmering in the glass buildings and marble floor, if you ignored the corruption and crumbling societies, it was the personification of heaven on Earth-err, Heaven on Terra-2 but that sounded awful. Their gazing stopped and the Captain continued his walking across the rooftops.

“A confession of sorts?” Max wondered aloud

“Of sorts,” the Captain responded, “Its not a confession for absolution, I will regret nothing for my actions. More of an understanding for my actions, though I feel it’s mostly for myself than anything else.” They kept walking across the rooftops until the Captain spied the hatch he was looking for, he opened the hatch and slipped in with the Vicar. Inside was a room, almost entirely barren save a bed, a box of dried goods, and a window. The window overlooked the residential district of Byzantium, more importantly though it overlooked one rather large estate.

“Tell me Max, have you ever felt like you had so little that nothing worse could ever happen, only to have that illusion ripped out from under you? The realization that there is always something worse that could happen. I don’t believe in the concept of rock-bottom, because it implies that the only place to go from there is up, but it can always get worse.” The Captain stared out with window a while longer before unshouldering his hunting rifle and getting into a crouching position. “When I was still on Earth, after I thought I had lost everything, that I’d hit rock bottom, he came up to me and said, ‘_Boy, why are you crying? No matter, as long as you understand why this is happening. The sins of the parent are the sins of the child, and that family will forever carry that burden until the sin is absolved._’ That was the last time I saw that man, but that phrase has always stuck with me.”

The Vicar had so many questions, not only as a seeker of knowledge, but as a friend, however, now was not the time for questions. “And so, this is the man were coming to kill?”

The Captain let out a light chuckle, “Be reasonable Vicar, that was when I was still on Earth.” He said nothing else and turned back to the window, shouldering his rifle he peered through the scope. The Vicar thought on his words, he was right, there was no way an adult from Earth would still be alive without an extreme period of cyrosleep, but then the pieces started to fall together, _the sins of the parent are the sins of the child, and that family will forever carry that burden until the sin is absolved._ The Vicar looked up at the Captain, and it came together, he himself was the only one who would truly understand the role of necessary actions, and despite no longer being a devote believer in the Plan, he understood that some actions are simply meant to happen.

“I see that you’ve figured out who I’ve come here to kill but understand this is an exception. I don’t hold such feelings of hatred for anything else, so you don’t have to worry about this becoming a regular occurrence.” The Captain tried to grin, but it only looked like a pained grimace. They sat there in absolute silence for what felt like hours, time had almost seemed to slow to a crawl. Occasionally the only outside sound was a light breeze picking up and blowing by, if there were any trees here it would’ve been beautiful to see them rustle in the wind.

The silence was broken but the crack of a single gunshot, the Captain stayed crouching for a few more seconds. Staring through the scope, he eyed the body of a man slumped against a kitchen counter, a splatter painted the wall like piece of modern art, silence followed for a few more seconds until a scream could be heard as someone stumbled across the body. The Captain sighed and stood up, motioning with his head to the Vicar that it was time to leave. They left the room without a word and backtracked the way they came, the trip across the rooftops and down the ladder into the alley.

It wasn’t until they were in the marketplace when the Vicar spoke up, “Is it settled?”

“It’s settled.”

The Vicar looked around before eyeing a bar, “How about some alcohol?”

The Captain turned to the bar, before stepping away, “Well uhh… were not really allowed back in there. I may have…gotten into a fight.” The Vicar laughed and patted him on the back, they begun the trek back to the ship.

“I apologize but I must ask, what started such a brawl?”

“The man liked cilantro.”

“The taste for barbarians, you were righteous in your actions.” They both laughed.

“I knew I brought you along for a reason.”


	7. Windows XP Got an Upgrade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain asks a question and gets absolutely no answers, although he decides a future for the crew and his next course of action.

The Captain leaned back into the pilot’s chair in the cockpit, the crew was either out doing their own thing or busy on board the ship, as for him…well no new work had popped up recently and he wasn’t complaining. So here he was, stretching out in the cockpit and killing time. It was actually quite nice considering that a normal day for him would mostly involve shooting, stealing, or dealing with other people’s problems.

“Captain, not that I have the capacity to complain, but it seems rather unusual for you to spend so long in the cockpit and not say anything.” ADA commented dryly.

The Captain turned his head to look at the screen, chewing on a toothpick to keep his mind occupied, “Is that your way of saying that I’m a bother or that I’m usually far more annoying?”

“I am simply observing. Besides if I truly thought you were a bother; I would simply vent the spaceship by overriding the safety protocols.”

The Captain stared, the toothpick he had been chewing fell to the steel floor with the Captain’s mouth agape.

“That was a joke.” She responded as if that left any reassurance in the Captain, it was impossible to tell when she was serious or joking. Hell, half the time ADA said she was joking, the Captain was sure that it was just a lie. “I would appreciate if you would pick up your toothpick, I may be an A.I but I still feel dirty.

“Ah my apologies,” he picked up the toothpick when a thought occurred to him, “Say ADA, how exactly do you see?”

“What do you mean?”

He made a face, “I mean how do you physically see; how can you see that I dropped my toothpick or what I’m carrying or wearing? I don’t believe I’ve seen any cameras aboard the ship, so I’m curious.”

ADA was quiet for a second before answering, “I am not entirely sure, I simply do. Though I believe that your definition of ‘sight’ is different from mine.”

“Hmm.” The Captain sat in thought, his fingers drumming against the armrest of the chair. “HAH,” He exclaimed, jumping out of his chair and snapping his fingers, the face on ADA’s screen changed to one of disapproval.

He held up two fingers in front of him, “ADA, how many fingers am I holding up.”

“I am not a child.”

“Ugh please ADA? I’m curious, just do it for me.” He pleaded, it’s a good thing none of his crew was watching. Her ‘face’ rolled its eyes.

“Fine, you are holding up two fingers.”

He laughed, and then moved his hand behind his back, holding up four fingers, “How about now?”

ADA sighed, if that was possible, “Four fingers.”

“Alright alright, one more.” ADA said nothing but the Captain moved behind his chair, crouching down and hiding behind it, he put up both hands.

“Okay, now?” The childish excitement oozing from his voice.

“Please Captain you are embarrassing yourself.” The Captain said nothing, “You are holding up ten fingers, but Captain I already know you’re going to joke that a thumb isn’t a finger and I’m wrong. I just want to say that if you tell me you held up eight fingers, I will open the hatch.” After a moment she added, “That is not a joke.”

Laughing he stood up from behind the chair, “Alright fine, you got me. Here I thought I’d never live to see the rise of Skynet.” He mumbled to himself and sat back down in the pilot’s chair.

“You are much different than Captain Alex Hawthorne, he was far less childish.” ADA chided like a mother. “Although, I would say that you two can be quite similar, but not for the right reasons.”

“Hmm, how would you say we’re similar then?”

“You’re both far to reckless for your own good, have only bad experiences with alcohol, and engage in pointless conversations with A.I that isn’t sentient.” The Captain laughed, but silently thought to himself that he at least has more common sense than Hawthorne, he wouldn’t get caught under an escape pod…at least…he hopes he wouldn’t. Which reminded him, he should probably head back Terra-2 and give the Captain a proper funeral. He’d never met the man except for his legs sticking out from his escape pod like a bad impersonation of the Wizard of Oz, but still, the man had let given him this life and it only seemed right to give the man a proper burial. He was broken out of his musings by ADA’s voice.

“Captain, what happens after you deal with the board? You’re still a colonist of the Hope, not a smuggler or space pirate.” There was something different about ADA’s question though, it almost seemed a bit…worried? Or sad perhaps?

“While I am technically still a colonist of the Hope, I’ve grown rather accustomed to this life and I don’t think I can go back to be an engineer. I figured that after we’re done with all this, we would just keep on doing it.” He looked out at the vast expanse of stars and space, limitless in it’s possibilities, “People will still have problems across Halcyon and that means there will always be work for us. The people of the Hope are better suited to fixing Halcyon from the inside, they’ll still need us to do the dangerous tasks. Way I see it ADA, I figure that the crew will move on at some point, I love them all, but they won’t to stay here forever. Felix will want to set off on his own I imagine, the Vicar will probably want to stop the needless violence, and Parvati’s in love, it’d simply be cruel to keep her here, and Ellie will probably leave when she sees her debt as paid. Despite this, I figured that me and you would continue doing what we could to better the system.” He turned to look at her, “That is if you’ll still take me as a Captain, can’t very well force you.”

ADA was silent, her screen the default, before it changed to a happily smiling image, “I would appreciate that very much Captain.”

“Ah that reminds me, I got you a gift!” He fumbled around under the console cockpit.

“A gift? How peculiar.”

He finally grasped it and unraveled it, putting it atop the console in the cockpit, it was a near exact replica of the Unreliable. “I wasn’t sure what kind of ‘gift’ you would like, but I figured that you’d at least appreciate this.” Silence reigned in the cockpit.

“Thank you, I’ve never received a…gift before. I am unsure how to react.”

“Take it however you want,” He stood up stretching, “I’m going to get something to eat.” He patted the side of ADA’s console and started to walkout the cockpit.

“Also, ADA, when everyone is back onboard, take us to the field outside of Edgewater. We’ve got to give Captain Alex Hawthorne a proper burial.”

He walked away and went up the stairs, meanwhile ADA stayed silent, simultaneously running the ship and lost in thought. Yes, she thought to herself, she wouldn’t mind spending more time under this Captain. 


	8. Bartedners Are Like A Psychologist Wthout The Degree - Part (1)?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain manages to find someone that doesn't want to either kill him or use him for a pointless errand. In all honestly its quite the statistical marvel at just how many people he manages to piss off, and for once someone other than his crew puts up with him.

Edith the bartender sighed and continued to wipe down the counter, the same thing she’d done for the past seven years and the same thing she’d probably be doing in another seven years. The Board had established the town of Valley Spring early in their colonization of Terra-2, her grandfather had been one of the original colonists, though he passed a while back. Her mom was a teacher for the kids of the town, and her dad worked as a local security force, the Board couldn’t be bothered to actually send them anymore of their own protection, so the town had taken it into their own hands for protection. Even still, The Board still ruled the town and so despite her mom giving her a better education then what was allowed in the schools, she’d had nothing to do with that education. So, she’d ended up as a bartender after trying out a medley of jobs, at first it was only temporary until she could get something better, but alas, Halcyon always seemed to drain the life of anything decent, and here she was; stuck in this dead-end job. Halcyon promised a fresh start and a new life, instead all we got was a hands-on teaching of never dream.

Edith scrubbed harder at a stain that just refused to budge, the door whooshed open, and a couple rambunctious voices entered the bar. She gave another heavy sigh, _“Great, more assholes come to shit on my already shitty day.”_ If she was lucky, maybe they’d just do their own thing and not bother her, it sounds like bad business she knows, but people can be such…a challenge to deal with, especially in a bar where most people already have awful lives working in a factory.

“-hat was with that mayor? You know what I’m saying Nyoka? That dude had a pole so far up his ass, you’d have a better time getting a needle out of a haystack then getting that pole back.” Despite her initial cynicism she found herself grinning at the man’s conversation, he wasn’t far off. She’d hesitate to call the mayor a good mayor, but at least he tried, nevertheless, you’d be hard pressed to find a stricter man in the universe, the man practically lived and breathed by the rulebook. The man’s conversation continued, “Like we get called here for a job, and all I get is, **_‘If you want to be contracted by me, you’ll have to requisition the form for me to use common sense, then you’ll have to fill out four forms so I can get some hemorrhoid cream for the pole up my ass._**” This time it got an actual laugh out of her, it was both an awful impersonation of the mayor, and one of the best. Edith looked up when the group sat in the seats in front of her and was quite surprised by the man sitting in front of her. He seemed to be a bit younger than her, at least by a few years, and his outfit was rather unique, it looked like a mix between some Board military gear and something you’d see in those aetherwaves about bandits or the old west, it was strange but it worked well for him. He seemed to have a naturally charming aura to him, his smile was kind and attractive, and his eyes were a soft shade of green that reminded her of rolling hills with a light breeze rustling the grass, but there was something else in those yes of his. Something darker or sadder, when you spend as much time as she has working behind a bar, listening to people’s problems, you start to pick up a couple things about people, but she shouldn’t be surprised by his problems. Everyone in this solar system had problems, had the same dead look in their eyes, the lack of fire that drove them, but this man still had that fire burning in his eyes despite their pain.

The man turned to look at her, “You get what I’m talking about right? The mayor?”

She hummed in agreement, “Mhmm, Potter doesn’t do himself any favors. I personally think he’ll refuse to die simply because it’d break company policy.” The newcomer and his companion laughed. “So, what can I get you two today?”

The woman next to him spoke up, “Just give me the biggest glass you can.” Edith grinned and reached under the counter, after a second of fishing around, she pulled out a literal jug and slammed it on the counter. “How’s this?”

“For Nyoka, that’s like a light brunch.” The woman, Nyoka she learned, gave him a halfhearted glare before turning back to her and putting the credits on the counter.

“This is perfect, thanks.”

“Now Nyoka, if you plan to drink that- ah who am I kidding, of course you will. Please just try to pass out on the ship, or outside the town or something, we’re running out of places that actually put up with us.” The woman gave a half-hearted salute and walked out the door with the jug of alcohol.

Edith turned to the man, a light expression of worry etched onto her face, “Is she going to be alright? Is this town going to be alright? I don’t care much for the town, but it is where I get paid.

“Ah it’ll be fine. Well…she’ll be fine at least. The town depends on how fast she drinks herself asleep.” The man dismissively raised his hand, “Ah but I’ll take a uhh…water.”

“Water? Really? You seem like the type of man who’d slam a bottle of glacier ice and be completely unphased.” She replied as she got him a glass and actually put some effort into cleaning it out.

He scratched the back of his neck, “I uhh…haven’t had a great track record with alcohol recently. I may seem like a dashing rouge and charmingly rough pirate, but I have basically no alcohol tolerance.”

She grinned and slid him a glass of water, “You mentioned a ship and work with the mayor, are you a merchant of some sort? From the Groundbreaker? We rarely get anyone other than Board ships for trading, though we occasionally get some independent traders.”

“Hah that’d be much safer. No, I’m more of a… freelance agent? Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m not exactly sure what it is I do.”

Her eyebrows raised, she gave him a skeptical look, maybe she’d gotten her hopes up for someone interesting, maybe he was just a conman here to try his hand at some simple townsfolk. “You don’t know what you do? What specifically do you do?”

“A little bit of everything I guess? Kind of like if you mixed a pirate, with an errand boy, with a little bit of odd jobs. I guess I can describe myself as a problem solver, I’ve cleared marauder dens and beast nests, solved a murder, smooth-talked my way through politicians, fixed some engines,” He shrugged, “A problem solver.”

“That seems like a lot to do for just one person.”

“Ah I don’t do it alone, I’m a Captain of a ship. I have a crew that I bring along with me, they help me with most my problems. Like, I have a Vicar that can hack his way past any computer, hit about any beast, and has the meanest right hook I’ve ever seen. My crew helps me with most my problems, I’m pretty good with engineering and general science, and I’d consider myself a decent shot, but my crew helps me with almost everything.”

“Seems like you put a lot of faith in your crew.”

“I’d trust them with my life, which for me is sort of a necessity. I tend to get on the wrong end of problems more often than not.”

“Sort of like Captain Fantasmo from the aetherwaves?”

“A bit yeah, although it’s a lot less heroically exciting and more running errands or praying to whatever god that I don’t get a plasma bolt to my face. Hell, I haven’t even been a captain for very long and I already feel like I’ve been in enough near-death experiences to tell stories until the day I die.”

“Oh? Any interesting stories you’d like to share? It feels like I’ve lived my entire life in this bar and most stories I hear are just about what a factory worker would do if they got a Board sanctioned raise. I’d like to hear to actually interesting stories about what’s going on outside of this town.”

The man grinned and begun to recount maybe of his less than heroic deeds, such as shifting through several piles of candid shit for misplaced drugs, getting a dock worker his prized tossball poster, getting into several duels and barfights over something stupid, or breaking into a man’s apartment and stealing all his underwear because he cheated at a card game. It was refreshing for Edith to hear such stories, they weren’t the most exciting or heroic but they were just so damn enjoyable, but it was also because it told her that the world outside Valley Spring wasn’t so foreign, different places with similar problems, and in a way it was comforting. As the time passed, they eased into a more relaxed and natural conversation, swapping tales about their lives.

“-and so this patron was drunk as could be, stumbling around like a crippled oxen when he starts saying how he’ll and I quote, **_‘Arm-wrestle each and every god damn baby in this bar with his pinkie toe and still send them home cryin to their mamas,’_**. Well of course I couldn’t let this man try this, not out of a fear of people’s health, but because this man hadn’t showered in god damn ages. You’d have to physically kill me and throw me in the god damn ocean before I would let this man go barefoot in my bar. I was worried that he’d turn my bar into a toxic dump site, and they’d have to quarantine the place.” Edith recounted her story with a humorless face.

The Captain made a face and stuck his tongue out, “Eugh, so how’d you deal with him? I assume a man requesting such an honorable duel wouldn’t just leave.”

She chuckled, “I didn’t even ask, I just grabbed the nearest bottle and broke it over his head”

“Holy shit I think that’s like…attempted murder, but does it break like in movies and stuff?”

“No, it just kind of hit him with a dull thud. If I’m being honest, I didn’t even hit him that hard, but I think he was so tipsy he just kinda fell forward and that was that.”

The Captain let out a hardy laugh, “I’ve been in a weirdly large amount of barfights, but I’ve never thought to use a bottle, hell I think the last one I just straight upshot the dude. Then again it was Scylla, and they play by different rules all together. Scylla is like that one family member that everyone kind of liked, but they were also a bit off and then they decided to go strike it out on their own though never really made it but they still made their situation work and now everyone just kind of likes them for that?” The Captain looked up at the clock above the bar, “Ah shit, I should probably get back to the Unreliable soon, still have to do plenty of actual captain’s work and make sure that someone didn’t burst a hole in the hull.”

“Wait hold on, your ships name is the Unreliable? Is that some reverse psychology?”

“Well it’s technically not originally my ship, I didn’t even buy it. I just inherited it; from I guy I killed…ON ACCIDENT…with my escape pod.” The Captain sheepishly explained.

Edith crossed her arms, “Well that sounds like quite the story, your whole life seems to be one wild ride.”

“Heh yeah, I guess it is. Maybe I’ll tell you about it someday.” The Captain stood up and stretched, “Ah I don’t believe I ever got your name.”

“Edith Vandergoth,” She stuck out her hand, he reached out and shook it.

“Captain…” His voice gave no sign of continuing before he blinked, “Oh I’m so sorry, everyone just calls me Captain, or The Captain, it’s almost become seconded nature. I’m Casimir Montinaro, at your service.” He waved his hand around before giving an exaggerated bow. Slightly tipsy, his grandiose performance led to him bumping into the stool next to him and knocking it over, that stool slammed into the nearest table causing it to shake and spill every drink on the table. The group of factory workers at the table looked for the cause of their spilled drinks, only to find the Captain frozen midbow.

One of the workers stood up, beer drenching his uniform, “I fucking swear, I’ve had it up to here with bullshit today. I’m going to enjoy kicking your ass.”

The Captain groaned, “God dammit, and I was doing so well without starting a fight.” He shot an apologetic look towards Edith, “I’m sorry, I promise I’ll cover all damages.” Turning back towards the group, he cracked his knuckles, “I just have on question, what’s your opinion of monarch-apple on pizza?”

The group of workers looked at each other, a confused expression adorning heir faces, “It’s uh…pretty good I guess?” They all nodded in agreement.

Captain Casimir Montinaro gave a deep sigh, “That’s fucking disgusting, it’s the cilantro incident all over again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possibly thinking of a second part to this particular chapter, continuing the characters and conversations but who knows. Also I'd have to go against the grain and against the Captain, I fuck hard with pineapple on pizza.


	9. Bartender 2: Electric Boogaloo or maybe Bartender: The Second Retendering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, but university finals have kept me busy, well that and the rerelease of Halo: Reach, its like 2010 all over again.

The primal’s corpse fell like a sack of concrete, its bullet ridden body landing to the ground with a soft thud, the Captain gave an extravagant twirl of his pistol before holstering it to his hip. 

The Captain swore to himself, “Well thank fuck that’s done, I swear that if Mayor Potter doesn’t give us a bonus for this job…I’ll…give him an unsatisfactory board review.” He kicked the primal for good measure and huffed in assurance when he was sure it was dead. He turned and motion for his companions to follow him back to town.

“While I’m sure that the Mayor will be absolutely quivering in his boots, perhaps you should get your wounds checked out first?” The Vicar questioned, to which the Captain looked himself over, surprised to see a sizeable scratch going from his right shoulder and down his chest.

He showed at most, mild surprise, “Huh, the things you don’t feel when you inhale god knows what. Well it doesn’t feel like much of anything, and it seems like it only tore the fabric, so I think I’ll be fine for now, but your motherly nature in appreciated and noted Vicar.”

“Hell yeah, that’s the kind of cool pirate stuff I’d expect you to say boss. Too cool to bleed, your badassery makes you immune to wounds and stuff, right? So, if I become a famous pirate captain, does that mean that I’ll become invincible too?”

“Well if you test your immortality on the ship, please give a heads up to Ellie, we’ve gone twenty-one days since we’ve had an accident, and I don’t want a repeat of the bullet pants incident, you hear me?” They walked through the gates into Valley Spring, with Felix sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck and muttering an affirmative. 

“Alright, you two are done for today, head back to the ship or explore around the town, I’ll go to the mayors for our reward.” They nodded and went their own ways, leaving the Captain standing alone in the town center, he sighed and walked over to the nearest bench, sat down, and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He lit one and leaned back, taking the occasional drag and soaking in his surroundings, the town itself was still a shit hole, which in the ratings with the rest of the solar system, meant it was still leagues better than Stellar Bay or Edgewater. Excluding the town, the scenery was drop dead gorgeous, a small set of hills raised up into mountains on the west end, a lake hidden in their snow covered peaks created a small river that ran down the mountain and across the grassy fields in the north. He’d actually been able to watch the sunrise one morning, not because he decided to wake up early -god no, that would never happen- but because he’d een up all night for a bounty, and when the sun rose over the grassy plains and sparkled the water with its reddish hues, it been on of the most beautiful things he’d seen in his life. 

He took another drag, shame that the corporations created such a shithole of a town to blemish the natural beauty. He threw his cigarette on the ground and stomped it out, and such a shame that the corporations had to put a man like Mayor Potter in charge of his paycheck, might as well ask the Mayor where a tailor is around here, law forbid he even try to sew something without impaling his thumb. He started walking when he heard a somewhat familiar string of curses, looking around but seeing nothing, he followed the string of curses until they became louder and clearer. Turning the corner, he saw the bartender he’d talked to, picking bottles of alcohol off the ground and returning them to the knocked over crate. 

He walked over next to her, “Do you need a hand?” She waved him away dismissively with a huff, “No no, its fin-,” she stopped when she turned and saw him standing there, the frown previously adorning her face turning into a smile, “Ah, I was wondering if I’d see you again!” She stood up to greet him properly, but for one of the few times in his life, the Captain was left speechless. Her hair tied up into a ponytail, and her smile as bright and pure as fresh snow, in this moment he felt that he may have found something more beautiful than that sunrise. Then he came to the realization that time didn’t magically slow down when you were in thought and that he’d been standing there in utter silence like a fool for half a minute. 

“Uh-uh yeah sorry, I was just-,” He made a series of floundering hand gestures as if that would explain everything, “Sorry it’s just been quite the day.”

She grinned and laughed, “Everyday seems to be an adventure for you.”

He shrugged, “What can I say, a lot of people want me dead. Did you need help Ms…Vandergoth?” He snapped his fingers when her name came to him.

“It’d be greatly appreciated Captain Montinaro, but only if you stop with the formalities, it makes me sound like an old hag.”

He laughed, “Fair enough, but please just call me Cassian, I get called Captain so much I started to think it was my actual name.” 

He moved towards the crate but was stopped by Edith, “Oh- oh shit, you have uhh…some blood coming from your chest.” He looked down and wouldn’t law be damned, that flesh wound had been more than just a scratch. She started pulling him off the street and into the back of the bar, “I have some first aid I can give you, not much but it should be enough to stop the bleeding.” He let himself be dragged into the bar and simply sighed to himself, what a fucking day. 

She sat him down on the edge of her bed, which was one of the comfiest things he’d ever been on and he thought to himself that he’d almost be convinced to give up a life of a ship captain for one of these beds. She pulled out a rather hefty looking first aid box out from her closet and sat down next to him, “With all the bar fights that happen, I learned that its best to just keep some first aid on hand. Also means I clean up less blood later, so that’s always a plus.”

He nodded and begun to undo the straps of his armor, wincing and taking a breath through gritted teeth with every moment. His wound was getting more tender, which was not a good sign, the sooner he’d have it bandaged the better. After getting off the outer layer, it was easy to simply unzip the underlayer and shrug it off, looking down he examined his wound, it didn’t seem deep, just wide. She turned towards him and begun to wipe away the mess of blood adorning his chest, “Quite the mess of scars you got,” it was an off-hand comment to pass the silence but she was right, he been shot by at least three types of ammunition, burned, scratched, poisoned, beaten, but he’d still say that the worst are the fucking plasma burns, they hurt the most and leave the ugliest scars. At least regular bullet wounds are innocuous, but plasma burns are just straight up awful. 

When she finished wiping, she started the process of bandaging him up, her help was a true blessing, self-bandaging was terrible and always led to a poor job, it always better to get someone else to do it. When she moved behind him to wrap the bandage over his shoulder, he heard the slightest gasp, but nothing else, when she moved back in front of him, she continued on as if nothing had happened, and for that he was eternally grateful. If his chest was, _‘quite the mess’, _then his back probably looked like a candid had tried to play connect the dot with its claws. 

Edith finished the bandaging and sat next to him, “You know, I used to think that I had to simply accept my lot in life, that I’d be stuck here for the rest of my life.” She turned to him, “After meeting you though, you seemed to spark something within me again, this idea that I can do more than this, I can go out and make a life for myself that exists outside of this colony.”

Cassian leaned back on his arms, “That’s…actually one of the best things I’ve heard in a while. So often it feels like I’m not making the right choices, or that I’m not doing all that I could. I always find myself second guessing my actions or other times straight up knowing that what I’m about to be doing is wrong and selfish. But to hear that…its…I think I needed that reassurance that I’m at least doing one thing right.”

It took a second for it to register when he’d stop his rambling, but the sensation was unmistakable, her lips against his. He gave himself to Edith and in return she gave herself to him, it seemed so long since he’d let himself crack, even so slightly and open himself to another. He felt himself being pushed backwards and seemingly absorbed into the bed, with all its comfort and warmth. Their kiss of passion continued, and he felt as she moved on top of him, their kiss deepened and ran his hand down her back, his calloused hand flowing over the smooth arches of her body. She briefly broke their kiss and raised her body up, still straddling his hips as she removed her shirt, the rays of the sunset filtering through the window and dowsing her body in a myriad of stunning hues. She lowered herself and they once their lips brushed, Cassian closed his eyes and lost himself in the embrace of their yearning and lust, maybe this day wasn’t as bad as he thought. 


	10. I'm Like Santa But Not Obese and Creepy by Breaking Into Peoples' Homes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas aboard the Unreliable, as well as a special side story vaguely based on a Christmas classic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday, or are still having a wonderful holiday if yours is still ongoing. Enjoy your gifts, your family and loved ones, or the time-off you have! Also opinions on eggnog? For me that shit is a hard pass, hot chocolate or bust.

“Merry Christmas ya’ bastards!” The Captain shouted at the top of his lungs as he burst into the kitchen, “Except you Parvati, you’re not a bastard, just adorable.” Arms thrown into the air, his mug of…questionable liquid…sloshing out of the cup and onto the floor. The only response was a groan from Felix.

“Look Boss, I respect you and all, but its only 6 in the morning. We just woke up, how the hell are you so active anyway? You’re usually the last person up.”

The Captain gave a face of pure disgust, “Because its Christmas you fucking heathen.” He then eyed the rest of the crew You better believe I’m up at 6, and don’t try to pull the same bullshit that happened on Thanksgiving by pretending that it doesn’t exist in Halcyon, that gave me anxiety for a week. If there’s any holiday that existed in this place, it’d be Christmas, the commercial equivalent of a corporate rimjob, but that’s a discussion for another time.” Parvati seemed to be the only one genuinely excited, and that served to only reinforce the fact that the Captain would do or get anything for that absolutely adorable child. Well SAM was also excited, but SAM was well…SAM, so that didn’t matter.

“Now guys, I’d like you all to gather in the cargo bay. I have a special surprise for all for all of you as well as some decorations I threw up last night.”

Felix spoke up again, “So what we’re fine with the corporations and their slave holidays as log as we enjoy them?”

“Felix, I swear to law I will fucking end you. Do you want your gift or not?” As everyone shuffled out of the room at the pace of a sloth, Ellie walked up next to him.

“You know, back in Byzantium my parents tried to get me to celebrate Christmas, they’d through these extravagant balls and gatherings, but they were all shallow and just for improving their standing in society. If it were anyone else, I’d assume it was some more superficial bullshit, but with you, I know its genuine, though I think that speaks more to how childish you can be.” She grinned at him and walked away, he stood there and shrugged before returning to his room to grab the gifts. When he arrived in the cargo bay, he saw everyone standing around and making idle chat with one another, but that wasn’t the main attraction, his eyes automatically drifting to the small fir tree in the middle of the room. He’d originally had a much larger tree he’d cut down on Terra-2, but he realized his problem when he couldn’t even budge it, so he settled for a small sapling he’d found outside the ship.

“Alright everyone gather ‘round, we’ve been a crew for quite a while now and I’d like to think I know each of you fairly well. So, I gave myself the liberty of getting each of you a personalized gift.” A small murmur of cheers and collection of smiles appeared in the room, he turned to face Felix. “I should’ve gotten you a lump of coal, but for now I’ll give you this.” He held out a medium sized by heavy present towards Felix. He tore open the paper without remorse and almost fainted at the gift inside.

“Oh my god, it’s a signed replica of the Bandit Captain Fantasmo’s laser pistol! And there’s a set of tickets to the next major tossball tournament! Wow Boss this is absolutely fantastic!” The Captain gave Felix a solid pat on the shoulder and smiled, the boy probably wouldn’t get much sleep tonight. He turned towards Nyoka, but he held nothing in his hands.

“For you Nyoka, isn’t a gift that can be bought, because your present is the gift of freidnship and the friends you made along the wa-” He was cutoff as he saw Nyoka winding her punching arm, “Just kidding! I cleared up your problems at most of the local bars, and even put down 500 credits at most bars for you already, so you won’t even have to pay. Not that you do anyway.” He quickly whispered himself, Nyoka laughed and they clasped hands in a firm shake before he felt her grip almost crush his hand, she probably heard his remark. When she finally freed his hand from her bone crushing maw, he shook it a couple times and turned toward Ellie.

“Well…you were the hardest to get a gift for, but I do know you like killing and shooting.” He handed her a very poorly wrapped gift that was very clearly a pistol.

“That I do.”

“I know you have you’re trust sidearm, but I figured something new wouldn’t hurt.” Despite the awful wrapping, the gift more than made up for it, it was a prototype auto-mag pistol, hadn’t even been approved for military use yet.

“Used a couple of my contacts from the labs on Terra-2 to get something special, probably won’t ever be released officially because it’d outclass every other pistol on the market, and we all know that’d be just awful for the corporations.”

Ellie grinned in satisfaction before noticing what was engraved on the handle, in gold lettering upon the dark blue grip were the words, _“Teamwork makes the dream work”._ She sighed and the Captain laughed, “Just something to remember me by.” He let out a short gasp as he remembered something else, pulling out a piece of paper he handed it to her, “I also did some work on this for you. It’s the contact information for a guy who owes me several favors, I know you’ve been wanting to start your own crew, talk to him and he’ll help set you up with a ship, supplies, weapons, you need it he’ll get it.”

Her grin seemed to falter momentarily, “That won’t be for awhile though, no need to try to get me off your ship that fast.”

He smiled at her and turned to Parvati, handing her a large and heavy box he almost dropped it but Parvati had no problem with it. Opening it up she squealed in delight, it was a brand-new set of tools including everything she’d ever want, in terms he could relate to, it was like getting a 120 box of crayons.

“I also scheduled us for a stop on the Groundbreaker so you can spend some time with Junlei. Here even booked you two a reservation in a resort and hotel on Terra-2 for a weekend, I’ve already talked it over with her crew and they’re fine with letting her have a break, I’d be assisting with the ship maintenance, so its in good hands.” Parvati looked like she wanted to cry, she threw her arms around the Captain and gave him the tightest hug he’d ever felt.

“Ph my gosh Captain thank you! I’ve never gotten such a swell gift before, I’m so happy!” He hugged her back for letting her gush over her new tools. He turned to Max and gave him several small gifts.

“I know your relationship with the cloth is complicated at best after your rediscovery, but I also know you’re a man who deeply values knowledge. I went around and collected a wide array of ancient texts, ranging from Philosophism to Scientisim, to the meaning of life, origin of humanity, and what else lies in the universe.”

Vicar Max gave a deep nod, “I am deeply humbled by your gratitude, it is nice to know I am aboard a ship with a true that I am glad to call my friends.” They embraced in a brief hug with the Vicar patting the Captain on the shoulders before flipping through his newly acquired knowledge. The sight in front of him was truly heart-warming, a ragtag band of misfits from around the solar system all here and reveling in their gifts and friendship. His joyous train of thought derailed when he realized that his crew were gathered and huddled, discussing something…probably scheming on a plot to destroy him. When they turned around and instead of destroying him, offered him a gift, he was taken aback.

Parvati took the step forward with the gift, and was the first to speak, “We know how much you do for us, and how lucky we are to have you as our Captain. So together, we got you this gift.” He took it from her outstretched hand and gingerly peeled open the gift, ignoring Ellie’s jibe to stop being such a pussy. What he saw was one of the greatest gifts he’d ever received, a framed picture of the entire crew, the picture itself was wonderful, but the fact that they all managed to decide on a single thing and then managed to somehow get a picture was an astonishing deed.

“Holy shit, this is absolutely amazing!” His joy palpable through the room, “I honestly can’t thank you guys enough.” They stayed and chatted for a while longer, before they slowly broke off to go enjoy their gifts in their room, each of them wishing him a ‘Merry Christmas’ as they walked by him. The Captain began stayed in the cargo bay a little while longer after the last person left, suddenly remembering that he never gave his gift to SAM.

“SAM, I would like to leave a positive review on your performance.”

“Thank you valued customer!” SAM chimed back before resuming his cleaning duties, the Captain headed towards his room and propped the picture right next to his terminal. Taking a seat, he stared at the picture and at the vast expanse of space unraveling in front of him. His mind wondering and simply taking in the silence and beauty of it al- FUCK HE FORGOT TO TELL FELIX THAT THE PISTOL WAS REAL.

* * *

**A HALCYON CRHISTMAS CAROL SPECIAL**

The Captain turned over in his bed, he’d been having weird dreams tonight and they didn’t seem like they’d ever end. He buried his face in his pillow and tried to keep his eyes closed, but it felt impossible, he kept getting this weird feeling that there was…something else in his room, that he wasn’t alone. He turned onto his side and opened his eyes, his room was empty, nothing unusual in it. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, maybe he’d just kill some time before he tried to go back to sleep.

“ADA, turn on the lights in my room please.” When nothing happened, he asked again, and again, but still nothing happened. His eyes started to adjust to the dark he got the felling that something was watching him this time, the feeling even stronger than it was before. He heard a creek somewhere in the room and his head whipped to the sound, but there was still nothing, but then on the other side he heard a breath, slowly turning his head he saw a creature, humanoid, standing in the middle of his room. Its visage remained hidden, but it unsettled him to the core, despite the darkness, he could’ve sworn that he saw what seemed to be tentacles writhing under the skin of the creature, bursting forth from the void and then once again being pulled back into the ominous being.

It spoke, its voice a raw and inhuman as if its throat was torn from its very being, “I…am the ghost… of Christmas p-”

“Ugh, I don’t like that.” The Captain drew the pistol from under his bed and shot it three times before getting up and leaving his room, “Must be a gas leak.”


End file.
